Babies and Advice
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| Me and my nephew, Lincoln - circa Jan 2011 |
Brandon and I have just reached our 6 month mark in our marriage! We're still newlyweds and still learning so much about each other. We're having fun spending time with family and friends. We're taking trips that are just the two of us. We're enjoying life together. Alone.
Though a little more each day, we're asked "so when are you two planning to have kids?" Obviously babies are the next step in life after marriage, but right now, we really do not feel ready. I've heard plenty of times from my Sister that you'll never be fully prepared for a baby. They just bring in so much change.
I know one day I do want kids, and I imagine that I would be a great mother to them. I imagine them snuggling in bed with me when they've had a bad dream. I imagine looking at them and seeing what a miracle God gave me. I imagine seeing Brandon in their faces. But, right now, and God knows my heart, I do not want kids. I hope this doesn't come off as rude or selfish because I know there are many woman out there that are dying to have a baby. And can't. I'm not saying I don't ever want kids because I do. Just not right now.
It's the little things that add up and financially I don't know how people do it. Between the sacrifice of taking off work and relying on one income, the doctor visits, the medical bills, the daycare bills, etc.
Seriously, how do you moms do it? How do you pay for everything? Diapers, wipes, baby furniture, gah, it's overwhelming thinking about it. And I thought a dog was a REAL responsibility.
Any moms or moms-to-be have any advice?
Teach me your ways oh wise ones.
I don't have any magical advice, but I can say that once you ARE ready and the baby is born, you will find a way to make it work (financially speaking). We knew we were going to have to make sacrifices when Davis came along - before he was here, I was really resistant to making those sacrifices. Now that he's here, he is the most important thing in my world and all that other stuff just doesn't matter as much as it used to!
ReplyDeleteFor now, just enjoy your marriage and not having too much responsibility :)
I dont have magic advice either (especially because I dont have kids) but I know with my sister, I had to teach her how to be thrifty. Asking friends for hand me downs, looking on craigslist/kijiji, learning to make things yourself.
ReplyDeleteThankfully I'm in Canada and as far as medical goes, all I have to pay is a $135 hospital room fee if I want a semi private room.. otherwise my doctors appointments and delivery are free of charge.
My advice? Be married. Enjoy the time that it is just the two of you (or 3, counting pups!) Travel. Get all of that out of your system. See everything. Do everything. Sure, once you have babies there's always going to be something you "wanted to do or still want to do" and I look forward to doing that thing WITH my baby. For me? I never made it to Greece. That was the ONE thing I hadn't checked off of my proverbial list... I'll get there eventually and I know it will be sweeter with my husband and son there with me.. but? Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. Your marriage, your life.. And duh, of course it will.. but you won't really ever understand it until you're in it.
ReplyDeleteHusband and I were married for 3 years before we had Carter... I loved building that foundation with him. Having Carter has completely changed our marriage.. how we communicate... I'm not trying to scare you.. I'm just being honest! Not many women will spill it all out for you.. LOL but no one really did this for me.
Squishy newborns are PRECIOUS. I love me some babies.. but? It's hard freaking work, girlfriend. Enjoy that husband of yours a bit longer.
And? It IS expensive. Sure, "you'll find ways to make it work.." but? That doesn't mean you won't cry because you miss your monthly splurge sessions at JCrew.. or that after YEARS of 2,3,4 vacations per year, you and your husband haven't boarded a plane for a year and a half.. since having the baby.
It's a major sacrifice. But? It's also the biggest blessing in the world :)
Great blog. Definitely a new follower.
Girl, we felt the same way before/when we learned about Baby Surprise. But you make things work. I think that once you know a babe is on the way, it causes you to really evaluate all of your shopping choices, etc. and it just works. I still stress about the money, but I know that somehow, it will work. Garage sales are also a big thing for me, and shopping the sales at stores to stock up on diapers and wipes now.
ReplyDeleteBut don't worry. Whenever the time comes, you'll be ready. It's not selfish at all!
Even though I'm not a mom or even married my advice it so enjoy the time that you do have with Brandon alone. Because once you have a kid, your committed for at least 18 years to be their sole provider. I'm scared to death of having children with many of the same thoughts as you every day. Idk how I would do it. It would be so difficult and for that I admire and appreciate 'Moms' everywhere that much more.
ReplyDeleteWell... I think you already know that I'm not a mom, or mom-to-be either, but I think that you just wrote almost exactly the same thing that's on my heart.
ReplyDeleteI've actually started worrying about whether or not we'll even be able to have kids once we do start trying... and I know it's not good to worry.
For now, though, my husband and I are definitely enjoying our time together... we laughed about how hard it would have been moving to Florida with a baby in a Uhaul. Would that even be possible?! (:
As for people who question when we're going to try and have children.... I just answer with a short, sweet, and simple "We're planning on having them some day."
Happy Tuesday!
not a mommie obvs. but thanks for the honest post! We're definitely in similar boats... I've JUST started warming up to the idea of soon-ish (what does that even mean?) ... and i love people asking all the time, it cracks me up. Don't feel bad or selfish to want to be married a bit before you do. xo
ReplyDeleteI really love this post. I get really overwhelmed hearing about all of the newlyweds that are desperate to start a family. My husband and I are just enjoying our time together, on our own! We've been together for seven years now, but we enjoy "us" time, or else we wouldn't have gotten married. And while I really want to be a mom too {sometimes, I get sad when I realize that I won't be for another three years or so}, I'm not ready. And I think it took a lot of courage on your part to admit that you aren't either.
ReplyDeleteSo thank you! Thank you thank you thank you, for being honest and real about all of this. I'm sure you've noticed all of the other young bloggers out there who want to start a family ASAP, and it makes me kind of sad. Live your life the way it is now for a while. And enjoy that. And when the time comes, you'll be ready for a baby.
xoxo,
Joelle
Coming from a non-mom...lol. I think you will be a wonderful mother someday. Its okay to be "selfish" and enjoy your marriage and get ready to bring a child into this world. Being prepared is better than not...in any situation. I believe God will bless you guys with a baby when His timing is right for you both. I can't wait to become a mother one day and I agree with your feelings in this post!
ReplyDeleteI always wonder the same thing. I'm only a mom to three big, crazy dogs and that seems like hard work at times!!
ReplyDeleteI am a Mom of 2 kids Alisha..It is better for you both to enjoy your marriage let's just say your still on a honeymoon stage..when the baby comes it all changes..responsibility adds up and you will be both having more time for your children..But that's what parents are and what marriage is all about to have a family and little precious ones running around and kissing you every morning..
ReplyDeleteOn responsibility as a first time Mom before I didn't know anything,they say read books it does help but it would be better if there is someone who will teach you hands on-my fear before was giving a bath to my pre-mature baby and no one taught me how but I survived I guess it just comes out and you will be ready when the baby comes out..there's no magic or so it is instinct of having a relationship of a mother and baby..
Financially I do business with my parents..it is hard actually because my kids and I were physically abused by my ex,so I am annulled and I have to work for my 2 kids but the BEST PART is no matter how tired I am when you see your kids happy and appreciate what your doing that is the greatest reward any mother could get-being loved by your precious ones in return..I just love their hugs and kisses :)
There's nothing wrong with not being ready for kids yet - just because you're married doesn't mean you have to start adding to your family right away. Enjoy the time you have with Brandon now while it's just the two of you. Once you add another little person (or 2, or 3!) it will never be the same.
ReplyDeleteHah, not that I have kids or anything, but I'm just assuming. And I've definitely heard that kids change everything.
We are in the exact same boat! Start to get warmed up to the idea of kids, but not quite ready! We have been asked "WHEN?" since day one of our marriage. It's funny how people immediately expect you to start popping out babies!! Enjoy marriage right now!
ReplyDeleteyou know what I know for sure? that what I know about you is a smart and wonderful gal, and as a smart and wonderful gal you will KNOW and make the right choice of when you are ready. and that will make you an excellent momma one day!
ReplyDeletexo
L
I'm not a mom and I'm not married but what I can share is what my parents did for us. We are 4 children in the family and I can see the great sacrifice that my parents did for us. When a financial problem comes, a solution also comes. My mother is amazing, very frugal.
ReplyDeleteI think you will know when you get there. For now, I think you are doing well enjoying your life. When the baby comes, I know you will be ready and you will see great blessings. I wish you well.
i was just married 8 months ago to the Bird, i'm 23 and he's 26. we moved to sydney, australia for fun in january and are nowhere near having kids until we've visited at least 3 more continents together!
ReplyDeletewe are SO excited about the prospects of having children and terrified at the idea that it will be half of each of our craziness, but we know now is not the time and there's nothing wrong with that!
be young, be just the two of you while you can! because once you have kids, things will NEVER be the same!
Think of this time as building a strong foundation because the strength of your marriage is also the strength of your family. Then, if God gives children, you can parent out of what you've built together. And when people ask The Question, just smile and say "when the nest is ready."
ReplyDeleteOr you COULD just say, "I can't imagine why you'd ask such a personal question."
I always wanted to do that, but I only came close once time. It was when a stranger (to me) stuck his head in the car window to see my almost newborn second son. Then he said, "So are you going to have any more kids." What?! All I could muster was an incredulous look, but I was rather proud of that, even so.
GranMarty